


Of Walls and Fake Smiles

by Kaylafagan



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Grown Men Crying, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:34:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9479549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaylafagan/pseuds/Kaylafagan
Summary: Tony Stark has hidden behind walls and fake smiles his whole life. He can't afford not to. He just has too much to hide.





	

A smile could hide everything. 

You learned this the hard way, a very long time ago. Years of living with Howard and Maria, years of being dragged out into the public eye as the prodigal son, had taught you. Keep your shoulders back, your head high, and the smile plastered on your face, and they never see a thing.

They don’t see the bruises you hide under sleeves and pants and makeup. Proof of a father’s unacceptance, of too-high expectations, written across your skin in purples and blues and greens and yellows. You learned very early that no one is ever to know. 

You didn’t understand at first, you just wanted approval. So, you did what you were told. Learned to hide, to lie, learned not to get caught. You kept your secret, even from Jarvis and Aunt Peggy (although, you thought, Aunt Peggy could tell. She could always tell, and that may have been worse). You closed your doors, built walls, and hid behind them. For years.

Then they died.

Rhodey was the first to break down the walls. Rhodey always took care of you. When you got too drunk at a party and tried to fuck a gross frat boy, Rhodey was the one to drag you away. Rhodey was the first to notice the scars on your hands, the fear in your eyes. It took time, but Rhodey proved that you were safe with him. 

He was the first person you trusted since Jarvis.

It was a good feeling.

After Rhodey came Happy and Pepper. You loved Pepper with your whole heart. (What was left of it after Afghanistan.) She was the second person to break down your walls. She saw all of you, from day one. All the scars and fear and pain.

And she loved you for and in spite of it.

Then the reactor poisoned you.

Once that was fixed, you were drafted into the super-secret superhero boyband. (No, not boyband. Natasha.)  
You understood why Pepper left. You did. You were a mess. That was what was behind the walls and somehow Pepper had made you forget that for a little while.

Soon after Pepper left, the boyband started rolling in.

It started with Natasha and Clint. You didn’t even think anything of it. You designed each of them a floor of the tower and tried to stay out of their way. It worked.

Next was Thor. It made sense, he needed somewhere to stay when he was on Earth. So, he got a floor too, and you stayed away as much as he could. (Thor was too kind, too pure. He could worm his way into your heart in a moment.)

(To be honest, they all already had. That’s why you had to stay away.)

Next was Bruce, and Tony was ecstatic. Both Bruce and the Other Guy got their own floors, Bruce’s with a lab and the Other Guy’s with high ceilings and industrial versions of children’s toys. (The Hulk liked playing with blocks. You thought that was adorable.)

Steve came last, and, you were convinced, he only came because the rest of his team was there.

Steve Rogers was absolutely perfect. He was everything you had imagined him to be, everything Captain America should be. He was kind, and generous, and caring, and he would do anything for his new family.

He would do anything for any of them except you.

You understood why Steve hated you. You hated you, so why wouldn’t Steve? It made sense.

It still hurt though.

You did everything he could to stay out of the team’s way as much as possible. (Away from the team as much as possible.) It didn’t work. 

You couldn’t find it in him to tell any of them no. Not when Clint wanted to play Mario Kart, or Natasha wanted to spar, or when Thor wanted to go flying and wanted a companion. You couldn’t say no to lab binges with Bruce. You couldn’t say no even when Steve begrudgingly invited you to team movie nights.  
You always had your walls and sleeves and smiles, but you never said no. You couldn’t deny your new little family anything they wanted.

There was an issue though. There always was.

You loved Steve in a way that he didn’t love the others. He loved him in a way that you should never love anyone who hates you so much. And it fucking hurt.  
Slowly, though, but not too slowly for you to notice (of course you noticed, you noticed everything Steve did), his invitations became a little less begrudging. He trusted you with more out in the field. And then, one day, he sought you out.  
He came down to your lab to just draw and see you. He did it like it was the most natural thing in the world, like he had done it a hundred times. You couldn’t breathe.

This was dangerous. You knew that you and Steve could never even be friends. You had too much to hide, and you knew that you could never lie to this mad or keep a wall between you two. If Steve tried to get you to open up, it would ruin everything.

The team saw you as strong. Maybe not put together, or responsible, or particularly careful, but you knew they thought you were strong. You had to be, in front of the team. Any weakness, and they would boot you and you knew that. 

Steve especially couldn’t see any sort of weakness in you. The moment he did, you were done

You were still drawn to him.

You became friends, started doing things together without the rest of the team. It was nice. It was safe enough. All you had to do, you decided, was keep some distance between you two and you would be okay. You knew that as soon as he saw you for who you really were (small, damaged, fucked up by parents who didn’t love you and scarred by a father who abused you until he died), you’d be fucked. And not in the way you’d like to be fucked by Steve. So, you had to keep to yourself.

And you did. Until you couldn’t.

You were in the lab, and something happened. Maybe you touched something hot, you didn’t know, but you were sitting on the floor under a work table. You knew rationally that it was stupid, that you were safe, but it didn’t matter. You couldn’t breathe, and Howard couldn’t hurt you here, hidden.

You had no idea how long you were there before a figure was crouched in front of you. You flinched, tried harder to hide, threw your hands in front of your face. Gentle hands took hold of your wrists and pulled your hands away from your face.

You realized you were looking into the concerned blue eyes of Steve Rogers and you panicked more.

You pleaded with him to leave you alone, or to stay, to not kick you off the team, to hold you, to go. You didn’t know what it was you wanted. 

Steve coaxed you out from under the desk and held you, rubbing you back and whispering in your ear. You could feel yourself sobbing, but in Steve’s arms, it was okay somehow. The only interruptions in Steve’s words was when he pressed soft kisses into your hair.

When you finally calm down, Steve leads you upstairs to his room. He holds you when you both lay down. You have a long talk about assumptions and fake smiles and how important it is to be honest. By the time you’re finished, you’re exhausted.

You fall asleep in Steve’s arms, and you can tell that every wall between you two has been crumbled.

It feels good


End file.
